Tick, tock, tick, tock...

I have made it, no big hurdle other than the fact that I go tommorrow at 9:30 am to see if the babies are okay.

Honestly I can't even wrap my head around how the women in the circa 1800~1900's did it. I guess if that was all they knew, then that was all they had. In our last pregnancy we saw the babies every week sometimes twice. This is really so different, and hard. Strike that it is almost cruel.

Everyone was sick in the house last night, I was sick due to nerves and the pregnancy so I didn't make it to church today. I really needed that too.

I have worked so hard to become numb theses last three weeks that I have been sort of like a zombie. I forgot to pay the water bill and the electric bill and I forgot to get anyone anything for Valentines Day. I have just been trying to stay distrcted and not watch the calendar. It actually worked, however I upon reflection last night realized that I also avoided to work on my relationship with the Lord over the last week. That's wrong. Guess I sort of hid my head in the sand so to speak to make it to Monday, however I lost out on some vaulable times with my family and the Lord...lesson here...live each day as you are to live...lean on the Lord to get you through and in the end you will be all the same if not better.

UUUggghhhhh. Wouldn't you think after all my years that somewhere I would start learning these lessons only once?

Well, if anyone wants to know what they can do for me and the babies...yep. Pray.

The appointment is at 9:30 am. After some phone calls to family who are already talking about the appointment...I will make sure I post.

Please Lord calm my nerves, sooth my soul, strengthen my heart...let me bond with theses babies and stop avoiding my love for them. Lord, I know through you Lord all things are possible, you are the ultimate physician and in your perfect time and will your will be done, Lord help me not only learn this but know and trust in all you do... In your name a nervous greiving mother.