A real quickie...

The girls are here.

They are the most beautiful little beings I have seen other than my Aubrey and Anneleise. Yes I am partial, but they are adorable.

I am also very over whelmed, Anneleise is over whelmed, Tom is a walking Zombie and our nieces who are 18 and 12 are keeping our lives running right now, so that should tell you something.

They are dealing with the typical preemie obstacles...but doing very well considering some obstacles that we didn't even knew existed.

If i was a fortune teller I would tell me that Atty will be our handful, already she is a hand full. Her eyes stare into your soul. Our Beka, well I think she will be the silent sweet wrapping everyone around her finger kind. She has the cutest little grin. Anneleise...well, she is our funny happy loving sweet baby who gave the the love and courage to want, work and fight for Atty and Beka. Our dear forever baby Aubrey, well she is our reminder of the power of love, faith and that we can make it where ever we want to be and our love for her will never change.

Saturday to Sunday was tough, we held our twin girls Sunday morning...our life is good and we are at peace for our family. There have been some scarey moments but they are doing so well.

The girls are taking everything we have time wise and my section although went well is causing me much more physical complications this time around so be patient I promise I will get some good stuff up soon.

Drum roll please...

It has been decided.

It is official, engraved items have been ordered.

Our girls will be called

Rebeka Elizabeth Maycee Priller (Beka)

and

Brennah Atlynd Brooke Priller (Atty)

Now that this has been decided, they may come when they are ready. This was hard this time, especially knowing that we will not get to have anymore children. Tom fought a good fight and frankly I did give in way more than I thought I would, however I do think he is taking advantage of the fact I am not feeling well and on a lot of medications. But in the end I am happy with the choices, I did so want Rowan and I really am not that on board with Brennah, but I think it will grow with me once I have a face to put with it.

What is up?

Well the good thing is my liver values weren't so I got to stay home another day ~ yeah!

Now if I could get the itching under control.

We are off tot he doctors in the morning , an early appointment. Things have been insanely crazy here, we have had storms and everything that needed to get done is getting done today.

NOT!

Things that need to get done are getting done. Big difference.

I don't really know what is going on but the girls have been less active and things have been really different today. My cervix had began to shorten (for me) but was far from dilation as of our last visit, however I wouldn't be surprised if things are really different in the morning.

Maybe I am just hopeful at this point that it would happen in the morning. I really don't want the pregnancy to be over. Can you believe that I typed that?

But really I don't. I really wanted to saver this pregnancy and enjoy some of the fun things that come with having babies. I don't have any pictures of me pregnant really or really any mementos.

Strike that if the stretch marks and extra padding don't disappear then I do have a good bit of that!

I can't believe that Anneleise will have sisters (on earth) this weekend. That she will not be our only child in our house. That we did it. We are having two more little girls.

With all the stress and worry, I really did just simply forget that we are so blessed, down right lucky to have our girls, even more lucky to have had our angel, Aubrey has made us appreciate our girls 10 times fold.

Well, here is to another and the last doctor appointment of the pregnancy.

We need a lot of prayers.

Pray that the girls are healthy as can be for 33 weeks and 6 days. That our sugars even out quickly and pose no risks to them or me. Pray that I can handle the epidural, it works and I can mentally make it through the section. Pray that Anneleise , never thinks I don't love her and that she doesn't hate me for bring two siblings home. Pray that the girls get to come home in a timely manner with little or no intervention and medications. Pray that our family travels safely to and from the hospital, that they get to enjoy the birth. Pray that Tom can handle the load placed upon him. Pray that as he started his FMLA, we can financially survive until he goes back to work and we have no major disasters.

Pray that our babies are going to be healthy. No surprises.

I'm sure there are a million things I should be asking help for in prayer but those are what are consuming my thoughts right now so feel free to add to the list.

Waiting on results.

Went to the docs this morning, waiting on the results, they will call in the morning. If things are good on my end we will go to the docs on Thursday and get all situated and delivery is Saturday at 9:30!

If things are getting hairy by the blood work then we go Tuesday, then there is sudden nature and my water breaks and we go before anyway.

The babies are looking good they say, I'm not, they didn't have to tell me that there is enough fluid to sink a boat on board...

Am I scared, oh yeah, am I ready I guess, better now than later, do I want to think about the next 4 days...na I wish I could just go off somewhere. But ah yes there are things to do like get my daughter well, yeah Anneleise has taken to a case of either poison ivy/oak or and athletes feet...ah, the trials of parenthood.

I'm getting really scared about the health of the girls and their conditions and then there is the whole section thing. I did okay with the girls last time but I feel so horrible now that I can't imagine surgery helping anything.

Pray for me and the babies, and Tom and please pray that the change isn't too much for Anneleise. Oh dear I just thought about her not being a only child after Saturday...how crazy is that?

I have wanted this for ever for us and for her, hope she is as appreciative.

Yet anothr update...

Since I am typing this I'm sure you are able to come to the conclusion that I am not in the hospital in a coma.

I pay a very good high risk doctor and dang it, she knows her stuff. The fluid is better on both of the girls, baby "a" belly is looking a lot better she lost two weeks of measurements of the belly in 4 days. Baby "b" is doing well also.

We are going to continue the insulin on a sliding scale, rest and working on some pain management on the adhesion's for me, at best I can give another week, with divine intervention...two.

She has promised me that if I get to the 27th of July our 34th week she will call the hospital and end this uphill battle.

In order for this to happen my sugar and the girls fluid and sugar has to remain stable and there is always the chance that I go into labor and we can't stop it then that will be the day!

It's 12:40 am...

do you know where your fetus's are?

Mine are hanging in here with me, driving me mad. Mad I tell you.

"A" it knocking to come out, and "b", well she just want to get her two cents in. Honestly, these two will probably need tethers to just make it out.

I'm going to the docs at 1:00 tomorrow, Not a moment too soon either, I am itching to death and they are hammering me with contractions.

Something has to give or I need to be induced...into a coma that is.

Another update, another plan.

I'm home.

I'm feeling really foul.

They took 100 cc's off baby "b", wanted to do the same for "a" but honestly I couldn't handle it, we had this done for Aubrey in our last pregnancy, however this time I guess with adhesion's and both of them having more fluid it was way more hurtful.

She was happy with the one, the fluid was clear and looked go. For about 4 hours it felt good, gave me some relieve, however I can feel it building up again already.

We are now on a sliding insulin scale. I am not very happy of this, and i just pray that my kidneys are not effected from all of this as well as my pancreas and liver. Yggh.

The girls looked good, very very active.

The new plan is to make it till Monday. Then we will see. There is talk, and I mean only talk that this week will be the week.

I don't want to get my hopes up and I do want the babies to be safe, but ohhhh how sweet it would be for them to move out...just the idea of it gives me a glimmer of hope.

It is getting very hard to get ready for them, the discomfort is 24 hours 7 dys a week now and frankly just functioning is all I can do, I don't feel like I am getting any bonding or preparation for them to arrive, makes me a bit sad. I just sit around alone while Tom entertains and keeps Anneleise busy, and seems the only talk about the babies is what is going on with their health and mine. The big whoop is going to the doctors and maybe tothe store, which ends up with me ditting in the car while Tom finishes the shopping. No normal fun pregnancy stuff this pregnancy either.

Guess some people get to celebrate a pregnancy and some just have their babies. Best case senerio this time arund is we get to have our babies. Really in the grand scheme of things that is all we wanted anyway, a little fun and excitement would help the stress of all this though.

Update.

Sugar is higher now since on insulin. Belly is way whoo! bigger and tighter and the babies go thorugh periods of frantic activity then nothing.


Are you seeing a pattern yet? Well for those who are a bit slow let me help you. These babies need to come out.

After 2 hours of interrupted sleep last night we are on the way to the doctors this morning.

Who knows what has happens since Tuesday, what is happening today...Lord only knows what is in store.

Oh yeah, we need some prayers.

I really have a gut fear that there is something wrong with the babies that we don't know.

Paranoid? Hope so.

Tick tock...

Yeah that is the sound that is resignating in my head as I type this.

Today, actually last night the straw that broke the camels back was laid upon me.

We went to the maternal fetal specialist early this am and as the title states...we are buying minutes.

Congratulate me, I can now add insulin dependant pregnancy induced insulin resistance diabetes to my resume of issues. New adhesion's thick enough to be seen via ultrasound, which is frightening in itself and two little babies who bellies can't not get any bigger and who's fluid (amino) is at the upper levels of safe i think 23 something that they can't empty their bladders well.

So here is the newest plan.

Pray to the Lord that we can make it to the 28th. This is like two weeks. I will be 34 weeks and there is basically a 90 % chance of survival among these births at this time period with few if any long term repercussions and delays. The over all hospital stay will be quite less than if we deliver this week.

I started insulin ~ NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS...but what is a mother to do? Please pray that this will help reduce the amount of fluid in the amino sacs or at best slowdown the production of the amino fluid. Please add in your prayers that my body is not over effected in a long term manner from this "temporary" treatment.

We started Indocine again. This is our last 48 hours to use this for fluid reduction and contractions. In the past is has helped each time the benefits are reduced we are hoping and praying to at least get 48 to 72 hours of calmness out of it, buying us almost another week.

I return on Friday the 11th. If the fluid is not any better or is worse we will began therapeutic amniocentesis. Pray that this is a last resort or a one time deal and that it does not bring on labor and or ruptured membranes.

Pray that our babies who are starting to feel the effects of all the meds and the cocktails to protect their immune systems, enhance the lung growth and the sugar does not allow our babies to be over large, unhealthy and please pray that we are not being dealt any unknown soft tissues defects.

Pray that I find the temperament , the patience and the strength to make it through this and have the strength and ability to recover quickly and care for the family I have struggled and worked so hard to have my whole life.

Pray that some how we can work it out that I can remain home with Anneleise until the delivery in a safe manner that me or the babies are not in jeopardy. I really am trying to get some special time with her but she has decided to choose this month to spread her wings, grow an attitude, become obsessively needy with her father and have an very distinctive opinion and idea of what she wants, she however still has chosen to only use verbal communication at her convenience...ugggh. My heart breaks because I love her so. I cried for three hours last night because she got her first butt whipping from me. She wouldn't look at me for about an hour. I felt like crap, she made me feel like crap but she really did need to get the reality check...this is the part of momma~hood that I could assign to someone else.

August the 1st is Tom's and I 10th Anniversary, if we would deliver we would be able to say that we completed our family after 11 years to the day of trying and loss. Through all of this, the loss of our Aubrey, the struggles and bitter sweetness of Anneleise, the tribulations and stress of these two girls...I already know that it was and has been worth every minute.

The 28th is Tom's birthday. I wouldn't really like for that to be the girls birthday too, however I think it would be just what Tom would want. He loves his girls...and too have two healthy babies laid in his arms on that day after our 11 years trying to get here...Wow.

Personally this weekend won't be soon enough, each moment is frighten, I have so much worry and concern that is almost consuming me, my weakness such as patience and dysfunction and non-multi tasked people are testing each and every morsel of my being.

For the record though..my doc and her staff has rocked, and I couldn't imagine being here with out them...so continue to keep them in your prayers for us as the are faced with new challenges each day with our pregnancy.

I pray also that we are given guidance with choosing our girls names, for some reason know that these are our lst we are having a hard time committing.

SO, there you have it. This is what crap when it hits the fan looks like when written on paper...just be thankful you don't have that Wonka vison screens and you'd have the smell we have....it isn't pleasant.

Kaboom.

Rumor has it that is what the fourth of July sounded like.

Wouldn't know we were home in bed by 9 ish. Anneleise didn't like the fireworks and her and Tom came home and she was out like a light.

The girls didn't like the storm that washed through here this weekend they have been crazy and I have been contracting like crazy.

Oh, how I want them to be safe and healthy, but it is truly getting harder each day. I am trying not to think about it, however constant contractions are a reminder I can't over look. The terbutaline is getting my sugar so high and making me feel crappy at best.

I have to say to feel this bad I wonder truly if my babies are okay. I am starting to have a lot of anxiety over the condition of the girls. I hope and pray that it is all nothing and will be senseless worry on my part.

Prayers needed.

Some for the babies, they are getting tight, really big thanks to the sugar, the meds and little to no activity and they still need a good three weeks to grow.

I go the next three Wednesdays. The last we will evaluate if we are still here. Here as in the cervix is still good, the blood pressure remains good, the sugar doesn't stop things like my kidneys from working, the girls continue to pass the biophysical and somewhere I hope my mental state can be entered into the equation. I am home still and will continue to work on that goal of staying home.

Some for me. I love them, I will fight to the end for them, but they are slowly ripping me apart.

Some for our life. Chaos in forward motion is a minor understatement. Way too much to do, so not enough time to do it in. Pray that I see the "what needs done" from the "wish was done" from the " should be done".

Pray that my lovely doctor find the continued strength to put up with me and my personality which on a good day is tolerable, on a bad day pathetic and in about another week will be relatively "wicked".

Someone should pray for Tom. Today Tom is the father to our children. That is all the billing he is getting. He needs some energy, strength and wisdom...mainly just enough of wisdom to say very little after about 6:00pm and nothing before 9:00 am. I do feel a bit for him, I have not felt well for almost 6 weeks now and really it is probably getting old.

Hey, I said I do feel a bit for him, I didn't say I felt sorry for him...I pray for him and for us and for my family...

The news of three weeks 21 day countdown did get things moving, Tom kicked it into gear and the nursery is so very close to getting done, we are really cramped for space but i am trying to keep a twin bed in the room for the first months until the girls sleep through the night. This is okay it just looks a little cluttered and I do seem to get annoyed with clutter so I need to let this go and just be happy with the success of one evening in the room working and his progress.

It is official, the names will be decided this weekend.