Good news and no news...

Short but sweet, I will post later.

There is no Trisomy 13, 18 or Downs.

Waiting on Turners Syndrome and De George's Syndrome.

There was a distinctive nose bone present , a good thing so they are leaning towards heart defect and then there is the hydrops, CDH issue.

Lesson here is with my age, my pregnancy and infertility history and previous pregnancy...we will never have normal, we may end up with normal but we will never know normal...so I must stop imagining normal in my dreams. We are going through the entire pregnancy under a microscope so we best hold on tight because we have all but been promised a bumpy, rocky tough road ahead.

The general thought of my frame of mind is that I'm good, in a much better place then last Friday, especially Monday, however once your foundation has been fractured..this happened with the death of our daughter a year and half ago...it doesn't take much to rattle the walls again. I just didn't realize how fragile my foundation was...physically, emotionally and spiritually.

So there may be periods of insanity and babble, I will at times lick my wounds. I know this one thing. In our last pregnancy I was the strength and courage for many...I shorted myself of emotions that I was entitled to as Aubrey Evangelene Grace's mother, I robbed Sarah Anneleise Klaire of moments that I could treasure for a live time...I will never be that person again...

There are times and moments in a persons life when you are to be brave, strong, courageous...set an example. Then there are times when friends and family should be this for you and allow you to be broken.

Momentarily broken is good, it's therapeutic and it healing.

And insight on the whole infertility,pregnancy loss and infant loss...there are no Oscar awards for the person who grieves the best, puts on the best front, becomes the humanitarian of the year...there is nothing but membership dues...and they are high.

There are no magic formula to how much pain and agony a person is entitled to...some will occur once in a life time, some their whole life through. The only statue of limitations is the amount of time a worried, scared grieving mother has to "get it out of her system" and get back in the game.

This road. It's tough, it's scary, it's not much fun, but with the right support and a honest heart and clear mind..it is all worth it in the end...