Pregnacy and lighting...similar or different?

We'll what I imagined to be a wonderful day has played out much like the day we found out our daughter had a fatal form of CDH almost 2 years to the day. I feel really quit stupid right now to think that we would make it through another pregnancy with out heart wrenching agony. Until Tuesday we don't know but today I had to have a CVS test done on baby "a", things are not looking good for this blessing of ours. At best this was a false impression and will redefine it self as the pregnancy continues, if what they think is going on is ...our best hope is Down's Syndrome with a heart defect which isn't the best but in the list of things it can be if not a false image...it is. I really just can't even think of what I feel right now. Can't figure out who I am angry at, I guess because there is no one...I am feeling a bit sorry for myself, I can't believe this is happening to us... and another child. I love theses babies and I want theses babies so badly, but at the moment I wish I could just take them out and set them somewhere while I just ran away. Who says lighting doesn't strike twice in the same place...right...I has found my heart again, I'm just so broken right now...scared and I don't really know if I want the results. I feel like my hopes and dreams have never much mattered in the outcome of anything in my life and the Lord does use me a lot in his lessons, but I don't want to be brave and strong anymore...I just want my babies here normal and healthy...who'd though that was just an impossible dream.