I had a dream.

Maybe this worked for Martin Luther King, however it is not working for me.

My dreams are very detailed, very exhausting and some times , well more than not, very disturbing.

Being of strong will, I won't let myself think and go places while awake so I think my mind has decided to kidnap my brain for the night shift.

I have dreamt everything from financial ruin, Tom leaving me, to there being two boys not two girls as they are telling us, to me dying after the birth. The there is the one where Anneleise takes the babies and flushes them down the toilet. This isn't really a dream after thinking of this for several days and watching her, I think this may be more of a premonition. I dreamt the other night that after the babies were born the next day I gained 100 pounds and was too tired and sick to care for the babies and Anneleise. I woke up to shortness of breath. I dreamt that I had to have back surgery and when I was waking up from the surgery they said we had one girl the other didn't survive. When I finally woke up my back was killing me.

So yeah for some the dreaming in pregnancy is great, enlightening, humorous...for me it is where fear resides, and things I don't think unimaginable , happen. So.

I have to sleep but I will have to allow myself to deal with unimaginable during the day light in hopes that the night life settles down.

this stinks because not many get the ideas that I get in my head, the worry and the fears I have. Everyone, well not everyone, but mostly everyone just thinks that I should be in prenatal bliss. I am, I just wished I could win the lottery, solve world hunger, fix the gas price war, end the whole world war and get my floors clean for more than an afternoon before the babies get here.

When we were plagued with one bad doctor visit after another and surrounded but nothing but bad news I felt that I had a great support system and everyone wanted to listen and help me through it, now that things are pretty much normal..."normal" as they call it, I feel very alone, even with Tom.

I have got to realize and experience some of the "normal" things that pregnant women go through, and when there is no flags, I think they are very isolated in a sense, especially in the light of what all happens to your mind, body and health during a pregnancy. So for those pregnant moms out there who hear a pin drop when they need to talk. Got it, get it, not really liking it, but what do we do now. Here is to us. I'm thinking that in the end I will discover that all the frustration and inner conversations with yourself during a pregnancy is what will make you scary and people tremble in your shadow during your labor, so all in all in the end, they will listen to you, it was their choice to wait till the last moment to hear 9 months worth.