Tick tock...

Yeah that is the sound that is resignating in my head as I type this.

Today, actually last night the straw that broke the camels back was laid upon me.

We went to the maternal fetal specialist early this am and as the title states...we are buying minutes.

Congratulate me, I can now add insulin dependant pregnancy induced insulin resistance diabetes to my resume of issues. New adhesion's thick enough to be seen via ultrasound, which is frightening in itself and two little babies who bellies can't not get any bigger and who's fluid (amino) is at the upper levels of safe i think 23 something that they can't empty their bladders well.

So here is the newest plan.

Pray to the Lord that we can make it to the 28th. This is like two weeks. I will be 34 weeks and there is basically a 90 % chance of survival among these births at this time period with few if any long term repercussions and delays. The over all hospital stay will be quite less than if we deliver this week.

I started insulin ~ NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS...but what is a mother to do? Please pray that this will help reduce the amount of fluid in the amino sacs or at best slowdown the production of the amino fluid. Please add in your prayers that my body is not over effected in a long term manner from this "temporary" treatment.

We started Indocine again. This is our last 48 hours to use this for fluid reduction and contractions. In the past is has helped each time the benefits are reduced we are hoping and praying to at least get 48 to 72 hours of calmness out of it, buying us almost another week.

I return on Friday the 11th. If the fluid is not any better or is worse we will began therapeutic amniocentesis. Pray that this is a last resort or a one time deal and that it does not bring on labor and or ruptured membranes.

Pray that our babies who are starting to feel the effects of all the meds and the cocktails to protect their immune systems, enhance the lung growth and the sugar does not allow our babies to be over large, unhealthy and please pray that we are not being dealt any unknown soft tissues defects.

Pray that I find the temperament , the patience and the strength to make it through this and have the strength and ability to recover quickly and care for the family I have struggled and worked so hard to have my whole life.

Pray that some how we can work it out that I can remain home with Anneleise until the delivery in a safe manner that me or the babies are not in jeopardy. I really am trying to get some special time with her but she has decided to choose this month to spread her wings, grow an attitude, become obsessively needy with her father and have an very distinctive opinion and idea of what she wants, she however still has chosen to only use verbal communication at her convenience...ugggh. My heart breaks because I love her so. I cried for three hours last night because she got her first butt whipping from me. She wouldn't look at me for about an hour. I felt like crap, she made me feel like crap but she really did need to get the reality check...this is the part of momma~hood that I could assign to someone else.

August the 1st is Tom's and I 10th Anniversary, if we would deliver we would be able to say that we completed our family after 11 years to the day of trying and loss. Through all of this, the loss of our Aubrey, the struggles and bitter sweetness of Anneleise, the tribulations and stress of these two girls...I already know that it was and has been worth every minute.

The 28th is Tom's birthday. I wouldn't really like for that to be the girls birthday too, however I think it would be just what Tom would want. He loves his girls...and too have two healthy babies laid in his arms on that day after our 11 years trying to get here...Wow.

Personally this weekend won't be soon enough, each moment is frighten, I have so much worry and concern that is almost consuming me, my weakness such as patience and dysfunction and non-multi tasked people are testing each and every morsel of my being.

For the record though..my doc and her staff has rocked, and I couldn't imagine being here with out them...so continue to keep them in your prayers for us as the are faced with new challenges each day with our pregnancy.

I pray also that we are given guidance with choosing our girls names, for some reason know that these are our lst we are having a hard time committing.

SO, there you have it. This is what crap when it hits the fan looks like when written on paper...just be thankful you don't have that Wonka vison screens and you'd have the smell we have....it isn't pleasant.