Here they are, two lil' ones...hearts beating along...What more could I ask for at this point. Being realistic I know that this is really the best news we can see and get, so, with that I will breath easier today as I rejoice in the strength and courage that I know is nothing short of intervention, divine that is. As each day goes by you would think that I would feel more reassured...I don't my fear grows as they do, each day they are with me...is a memory in the making. I love my memories, I fear losing them.
There is a list of things I would like to know, things that I have decided that if I knew would help me relax...In time we will address them, one week at a time. There is very little need for me to know the sex. Tom so does not agree, he is worse than most women and really most children. A tad odd that I don't want to know, but I want this pregnacy to have some real suprises, fun ones, but really I just want to know that they are both safe, perfectly healthy. That, I feel alone is enough to ask for, so everything else...well if we know , we know.
Today was the last appointment with our fertility clinic. It is exciting, but exciting in a bridging over from girl scout to cadet kind of excited. You know that there is like so much more ahead of you but to enter the clinic infertile with the desire to have a child...and leave having one. Well, my image was Whoo..Whoo..., but in reality it is sorta sad like leaving college. Scared crapless to enter, worked hard, had some fun, made a lot of memories but you get to that day where either it is time for change or on to graduate school.
We are very fortunate that both times we have left the clinic we were headed to graduate school. This is so metaphorically said. After years of treatment, we wouldn't even afford preschool.
You sign on with a program and you have to just give it to them. When I say give "it" I mean your body, your courage, strength, your hopes and your dreams. If you haven't tested your faith till then, you will be truly challenged. Then they hold you hand and guide you and maker you stronger, wiser, all the different either way of success or disappointment.
It is scary to walk away from the place that was your security. I feel blessed to have had the team working for us that we had. I think that is probably a large part of your success is the general attitude of your team. I've seen some bad ones, but we found one of the best.
There are three little blessed embryos in waiting for us once theses babies get here. Don't know where we are with this, I do know that we are way too early in this pregnacy to make any decsions.
We miss you guys already, everyone from the receptionist to the doctors themselves our part of our family. Haha, jokes on them.
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